For parents and coaches their competitive zeal sometimes leads kids to the wrong conclusion.  No doubt many of us have seen someone at a youth wrestling tournament that has lost a healthy perspective on winning and losing.    Of course, wrestling is not alone in this struggle to keep sanity in the midst of competition.  When it comes right down to it, our society very often rewards the winners and the rest are just losers, even if it's a hard fought second place finish.      Stand at the side of any mat at a youth tournament and the energy and excitement surrounds you.  Coaches, parents, moms and dads are there and they want the win.  It is not just a selfish desire.  The ones there to cheer on their wrestlers want their kids to win because they no losing is tough, and they certainly don't want their kids to have to learn the tough lessons in losing.      With that desire for victory, the mature adult can also quickly lose perspective.  "It's go-time."  "Don't give him anything."  "Don't screw up.  "This is the big leagues."      We want our kids to love winning, but as the people that influence the next generation of wrestlers we need to get the kids to love the sport of wrestling.  Across the country and even the continent parental sportsmanship has come under fire.      A few short years ago, one hockey parent beat the team's coach to death.      In the northeast some soccer leagues have gone to the drastic step of instituting "silent sideline"---in other words if a parent so much as cheers for their own team giving a heartfelt "that-a-boy" to their own kid they are escorted to the parking lot and told to leave.      Thankfully, wrestling hasn't had to institute drastic steps to maintain decorum.  When things go awry usually some coaching of the coaches or parents to remind them of the important positive role that they need to fulfill gets everyone back on the right track.      Recently, the Canadian Hockey Association has turned heads with a new series of public service announcement in the hockey-crazed country.  These radio, print, and TV announcement turn the ordinary parent-youth athlete relationship on its head.      One announcement shows a young child screaming through a megaphone as his father attempts to sink an important putt.  Another shows a father on the clock as he takes care of business in the bathroom, son with stop-watch in hand.  (Visit www.canadianhockey.ca/e/develop/parentprograms to find out more about this entertaining campaign.)      Obviously, the Canadians needed to return to a healthy perspective on winning and losing.  Something that we all need to routinely do is revisit why we love the sport of wrestling.      USA Wrestling's National Coaches Education Program discusses sportsmanship at length in the Copper and Bronze courses.  To maintain that positive perspective on winning keep these things in mind:      Young wrestlers are highly motivated to learn the sport and succeed; negative coaching will eventually turn them off to the competitive atmosphere.  Wrestling is fun to kids.  They'll scrap on a patch of grass with no referees if given the chance.  The pressure and negativity can chase them away from a positive life-altering experience.       Young wrestlers want to make their parents and coaches proud.  Kids aim to please but sometimes things, like winning, are out of their control.  Make sure they know you are proud of them.      Young wrestlers often enjoy the tournaments and competitions not just for the matches that they wrestle but for the time spent with friends, coaches, and parents.  They see a bigger picture other than just their wins and losses.      Young wrestlers maintain realistic expectations.  They're in the mix of it all, sometimes they see that their abilities aren't where they need to be yet to get that gold medal.  From there it has to be the youth's choice on just exactly he/she is willing to do to succeed.      Young wrestlers in losses know when they've given their best.  As parents and coaches we need to reward the effort, not just the outcome.      Young wrestlers love the feeling of learning the technique.  Very often in matches there is the one shining moment when the young wrestler hits a move that will surprise even his coaches.  Those gems are times when parents and coaches should recognize the performance and not just the outcome.      We love the sport of wrestling for the good that it teaches young people.  When coaching and cheering is done in a positive and productive manner young people are more likely to reap those benefits because they will stay with the sport.  It is a tough battle to maintain that good balance, because we care deeply about our wrestlers---our sons and daughters.  We want them to achieve, and sometimes our zeal can get in the way of the big picture.  In those times take a deep breath, and remember why we led them to the sport of wrestling in the first place.         USA Wrestling's National Coaches Education Program encourages coaches and parents to become certified at the Copper and Bronze Level so that they can better understand the positive influence that the sport of wrestling offers America's young people.  To find a clinic near you contact twitulski@usawrestling.org or call (719) 598-8181.