Last month, a Responsible Sports Parent wrote to our panel of experts to ask:  “Seconds to go in the match.... Your son’s club is holding on to a thin lead and needs him to win to secure the victory.  With a strong lead in the second period he shoots but misses the leg of his opponent, who takes full advantage of the miss pinning your son.   His team loses the match.  What would you do?”
				- Frank, a concerned parent.

We asked two of our experts to weigh in.  Elena Pirozhkova – 2012 Olympic Wrestling Team member had this to say: 

“First of all this is a hard situation to be in as an athlete and the pressure gets to some.  If this was my kid, my heart would break for them, because I would know that is how they would be feeling at that moment.  I have been in this situation before, and it does not feel good. 

They would feel like they let the team, their parents, fans, friends and themselves down. I would tell them they did the best they could, and the fact that their team lost was not only because of his loss, because there were others who lost also. I would tell them that if they feel like they tried then that's all they could have done. Later when emotions cool off we would go over what they did technically wrong.”

And Tina Syer, Chief Impact Officer from Positive Coaching Alliance answered:

In the situation you describe, where your son failed to win his match that would have won the meet, I think you need to start by swallowing your own feelings, and ask your son how he's doing. In the rare instance, he may surprise you: "Dad, I did everything I could to win that match.  That was a tough opponent."

In the more likely scenario, he may not be ready to talk about it right away. Don't push it. You can ask how he's doing and then let him come to you later; if/when he's ready. When this conversation does happen, do your best to listen and to let him tell you how he's feeling. Make sure to avoid projecting your own feelings on him with comments like, "I bet you feel like you let your teammates down, but …"

You may want to keep some specific, positive things he did well in a past match ready, so when he's totally focused on the mistakes that cost him the match, you can remind him that he was not the only wrestler on his team to lose and that victory and defeat are shared equally by all hs teammates. Let him know you're proud of him, even though he missed that takedown. Also let him know you're proud of the way he handled it in the moment (keeping his head up).

Lastly, try to get him to focus on the future. Let him know he'll get another chance at this, and you have confidence he'll make it next time.

Do you have a youth wrestling question you’d like to pose to our panel of experts?  Visit us online and ask your question today! We regularly post answers on ResponsibleSports.com and each month we’ll feature one question here at USA Wrestling.