In a recently article in the Staunton News Leader (VA), headlined Parents driving coaches away from the game, staff writer Patrick Hite highlighted a troubling problem: talented youth sports coaches with a love of the game and a passion for teaching kids are no longer volunteering to serve.  Why?  As Covington High School science teacher and volunteer youth sports coach Rob Bennett said in the article: "Why am I going to be miserable doing something I love to do and, for the most part, was pretty good at?" 

With some parents complaining about playing time, requesting roster changes, and telling coaches how to do their jobs, while others heckle coaches and athletes from the stands, it’s no surprise that youth sports coaches from around the country are beleaguered and frustrated.  

We asked the experts at Responsible Sports: what can we, the community of Responsible Sport Parents, do to help reverse this trend?  The answer may lie in the Positive Coaching Alliance principle of the Emotional Tank.

1. Meet the coach at the beginning of the season
Start the relationship off right by introducing yourself to the coach at the beginning of the season.  You’re not Luke’s Mom, you are Julie.  You are not Claudia’s Dad, you are Ryan.  Share with the coach why you’re excited about the upcoming season, what your child is looking forward to during the season, and reinforce that you’re committed to a great relationship with the coach. And coaches?  Don’t forget to have that all-important Parent Meeting at the beginning of the season.  Here’s a video clip from a successful Parent Meeting  and here’s a sample agenda handout for a Parent Meeting.

2. Offer to help
It’s not an easy job!  It might look like it from the sidelines or the stands, but trust us – it’s not!  Coaches spend countless hours with practice preparation, field, ice and gym time scheduling, sending out notices, directions and calling trees, organizing equipment, and dealing with administrators and league officials.  And all of this is in addition to their regular day jobs!  Offer to lend your coach a hand – even tackling just one of these tasks will make his or her life a bit easier.

3. Fill the coach’s emotional tank during the season
We already know as Responsible Sport Parents, one of our jobs is to help fill our kid’s emotional tank.  (Remember: an emotional tank is like a car’s gas tank – when it’s full, a kid can go for miles.  But when it’s empty, it’s hard to go anywhere.)  But we all have emotional tanks – not just kids.  And our volunteer coaches need their emotional tanks to be full too.  Take the time to congratulate the coach on a good win.  Make a note to say something when the team executes a play that was beautifully drawn up by your coach.  Thank your coach for teaching your child a new skill and compliment him or her on helping your child acquire that new skill.  Practice the same fundamentals with your coach that you use with your athlete: truthful, specific feedback.  Our favorite example of truthful and specific praise? Watch this hard-nosed youth football coach who doesn’t get soft when he delivers both the positive and the not-so-positive feedback to his team.

4. Honor and respect the relationship between your child and her coach
Imagine a situation at work where a colleague was unhappy with your contribution to the team presentation.  Instead of talking to you about it, your colleague complained directly to the boss.  Boy, you’d be steamed!  That’s what it feels like when a parent addresses issues with a coach before a child has taken the first – and appropriate step – to address it with the coach directly.   Empower your children to own the relationships between them and their coaches and to talk to the coach if they feel like they aren’t getting enough playing time or about their desire to play a different position.  

5. Say thank you at the end of the season
We all know that a simple thank you goes a long way.  Sometimes we get busy and  forget to say thank you.  But try to remember and take the time.  Shake the coaches’ hands after the last game and the last practice to say thank you.  Tell them what you were thankful for.  Let them know you appreciated all they did this season.  Consider writing a note to the coach afterwards.  Or even better, a note to the league administrator praising the  coach.  Consider getting your league to use the free Season Evaluation survey tool with all of your team parents to give the coach feedback from everyone.

The saying ‘It takes a village’ is of course true for youth sports.  In order to have the life learning experience we seek for our children, we need enough players for a team, an opponent, officials and of course coaches.  If we want an outstanding youth sports experience for our children, we need to take the steps we can to help keep quality, passionate, knowledgeable coaches in the game and working with our kids.  It might not seem like a lot, but the smallest actions can help improve the situation and hopefully can help reverse the trend.

What have you done to help fill you coach’s emotional tank?  Weigh in on the  and share your ideas and thoughts.!